Tuesday, April 26, 2011

10 Good Things about an EMP Strike

Ever since reading One Second After--or actually, even before then, I've thought a lot about an EMP strike against the United States. I've come to the conclusion that it would be next to impossible to really be "prepared" for such a disaster. It's depressing. I can't let myself think about it for too long, or it gets overwhelming. So, I've tried to find a bright side. Hopefully a little humor will help lighten the situation. David Letterman, eat your heart out.

Top Ten Good Things about an EMP Strike

10: You won't have to go to work any more. No cars+no electricity+no computers=no workie. Hate
            your boss? Hate your co-workers? How many times have you said to yourself, "I wish I never had to
            go back  there"? Well, guess what?!

 9: Less greenhouse gases. If the whole country was exposed to an EMP catastrophe, that's a lot less  
         fossil fuel burning and deforestation affecting the atmosphere. The ten percent or so of the population
         that actually lives on after things stabilize will have much healthier surroundings.

 8: No more taxes. If money, industry and government are suddenly made obsolete, taxes will become
         obsolete, too. Benjamin Franklin may be proven wrong yet.

 7: You'll eat healthier. Without the availability of processed foods, it'll be back to the basics: eat what
          you can grow or catch. Your kids will happily eat their veggies if it's literally that or nothing.

 6: Road rage will vanish. In fact, most roadways will probably be automobile graveyards until there's
          time to clean it up. Now that I think about it, all things car-related will no longer be a priority. Car
          maintenance, license plates, auto insurance, commuting in rush hour traffic, grumpy kids on a road trip.
          All in the past.

 5: You'll finally have all the time in the world to focus on your family. Never again will you have
          to break a date with your spouse, or miss the kid's ball game because you had to work late. Board
          games may become a nightly event. You can have checkers championship games with the neighbors.

 4: If you're like me and can easily "pinch an inch," you'll finally be happy to have those extra 
        pounds. The skinny bitches will be the first to disappear.

 3: The neighbor's dog that's always getting into your garbage, or doing business on your lawn, will
           finally be good for something--dinner!

 2: The price of oil will finally drop. Of course, we won't be buying any more anyway, so it won't really
          matter to us. But I still like the idea of sticking it to the oil barons. It'll be our present to the rest of the
          world.

And the Number 1 Good Thing about an EMP Strike:

     You can finally stop worrying about if or when TEOTWAWKI will happen!

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